Ask Aunt Cathie: How do I forgive my friend after everything?
Hi Aunt Cathie,
My best friend is lying to me. She said she was going to home after a party on Saturday night but when I woke up the next morning, I could hear her laughing in my older brother’s room. I think they had sex, because why else would she be in his room? She’s been acting odd around me for a while, being busy when before she was free to hang out, so I think she’s dating my brother. We’ve been best friends since we were 5 (I’m 23 now) and I feel betrayed. She hasn’t mentioned it to me and is acting like nothing has happened. How do I tell her I know? And can I forgive her for going behind my back like that?
From,
A Heartbroken Friend
Dear Heartbroken Friend,
Honesty is very important in any and all relationships, so it is completely understandable that you are upset.
You should tell your friend that you heard her in your brother’s room and ask her why she was there. Like I say, honesty is key so you should be direct and upfront, but stay composed. Don’t try to play games or catch her out. There could be an innocent explanation behind it so don’t overthink and worry until you know the absolute truth.
If she has been having a relationship with your brother, she is most likely scared of hurting you or losing you as a friend. You must think about this. I cannot tell you if you can forgive her or not. I would say, however, that you have been friends for a very long time and that counts for a lot.
If she has been cold towards you, this would suggest that she is keeping something from you or feels slightly awkward. Again, this points to the conclusion that she has become involved with your brother. All I can say is that you must talk to your friend, let her know your feelings and, if it’s what you want, try to work past it.
I would also say you should talk to your brother about this. He is involved as well so it is not fair to place all of the blame on your friend.
Be honest about your feelings and stay true to yourself. The rest is up to them.
From,
Aunt Cathie